Facing the Post Vacation Blues

To be fair, it wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be. I was greatly aided by the pushing up of two workshops to the week I returned, keeping me busy. But, eishe, over the last couple of days in Cape Town I was dreading going back to site in a very strange flurry of being incredibly happy and sad at the same time.

Don’t get me wrong; I really do love my village. It’s adorable, I feel like a part of the community, and I am doing a fair amount of good work. I recognize how lucky I am to have all of these things in a Peace Corps experience. But the thing is, it was so easy to be happy in Cape Town. Here, you have to work at it. You have to find joy in small things- and even though there are lots of small things to find joy in it still requires a conscious effort. Getting onto my usual bus in Maun and the bus conductor greeting you by name and a mosadi magolo excitedly greeting you in Thimukushu can make your day (and it did for me on the return trip). It really is wonderful feeling like I am a part of this community.

I recognize that happiness coming easy, all of the time, isn’t true for anywhere. And that any vacation isn’t like day to day life, obviously it is going to be easier to be happy. But what I realized I was missing so acutely was much broader than what I realized day to day: the lifestyle. I miss being able to go to dinner with friends, and then go home. I miss any type of food whenever I want it. I miss hot showers. I miss drinking craft beer while listening to live music. And while these things are replaced with coloring with my neighborhood kids or boating on the delta, spending time in Cape Town, with all of these things easily in reach, evoked a feeling of homesickness that I hadn’t yet experienced.

Moreover, the trip was a wakeup call for parts of me that have been lost in the shuffle of this experience; parts that I really don’t want to lose. Somehow, I have become complacent here…. I’ve become okay with spending hours of a weekend at site watching too many episodes of something, or expecting and accepting mediocre work from not just others but myself. I think, well, I knew I would have to lower my expectations about how projects turn out; plus, I am happier than many other volunteers because at least I’m doing something… but really, I know my counterparts and I could have done better. And that’s just not how it’s going to be anymore.  

Cape Town also pointed out through some of my interactions with perfectly kind people that I have become far too skeptical and now assume the worst from others. I’ve always been a “people are inherently good’ type of person, but I’ve fallen prey to a common PCV shortfall of cynicism. So what if there are some less-than-stellar people out there who continue to call me lekgoa and ask for money for cigarettes every time I see them? For every one person that drives me up the wall, I have met four who have gone out of their way to help me or happily try to get past my poor Setswana and befriend me. I’ve met far too many jaded volunteers, and that is just a category I refuse to fall into.

So, since returning, I have been make an effort to makes some changes and avoid the post vacation blues. It hasn’t been perfect; I will admit to a day of watching far too much tv and as well as some planning and delivery in the workshops that I certainly didn’t give 100%.  But, I have been much more patient with the kids (and adults) in my neighborhood asking for things, have a better attitude about people in general, and spoke up to various counterparts about not just letting an event simply happen but rather preparing far enough in advance. Transitioning into 2013 seems like a perfect opportunity to make, and keep, these much needed New Year’s resolutions; well that, and exercising more J